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A Broken Heart

May 7, 2026

Coffee Beans Tales, Novel

Coffee Beans Tales: Chapter 5

The cold breeze felt like a good companion, wrapped me fully in my most favourite scent, the smell of soil. If my soul had a scent, I wish it would be this fresh fragrance oozing out of moist soil. Every soul should have a unique scent. Now that I think about it, what would be Lallu’s. It must be the fragrance of rose or jasmine. Ever since Lallu got married to Ramu, I have been left alone, with nobody to gossip. So this, newfound companionship in the breeze, gives me some comfort. The way home is quite long, and I don’t have anything better to do, than talk in my head. I always felt, I did a good thing by telling Ramu about Lallu’s marriage. But, last day when I saw that big stomach in her tiny body, I felt bad for her. She seemed happy, but something in her had changed. Maybe the scent of her soul has changed too. I cannot however figure out what the new smell might be. It must be something similar to Ramu’s, since he is the reason for all her changes. I am positive, that his scent would be lacquer, glossy from outside, hard from inside. Lallu’s soul seems to be taken over by the lacquer, that now the moist smell of my soul cannot penetrate it. The cold has begun to get on my nerves and my teeth are cluttering together. The way home seems to be endless.

This is a dull day for me. I haven’t seen Ben all day. Seems like he is ignoring me. It makes me think of the smell of his soul. I think it’s peppermint. It can give you a headache when you do not have one and it can take away the headache when you already have one. Now, I can see home as a small spot, amidst the long grown grass. The bright red tile on the roof made our home stand out among the palm leaf roofs of other houses. By the time, I reached the door, I was as cold as the slimy tree frog. Mother was waiting at the door for me as always. It was easy for me to guess the smell of her soul. It would be warm and sweet coffee, with freshly peeled ginger, cardamom and jaggery. This smell which greets me in the cold evenings, is the one with which I will blanket all my memories, so that they always remain warm and sweet.

I came down for dinner when the fine aroma of spicy chicken curry hit my nostrils. I entered the kitchen and to my surprise, I saw my brother sitting against the wall with a heap of rice and two chicken legs almost strangled to its bones. As soon as I cursed him under my breath, a wooden spoon came flying in my direction and hit me in my eyebrows. My brother looked at me and said,

“How dare you call me an idiot you idiot?”

He burst into monstrous laughter, saying,

“None of your babbling can remain a secret, Daddu chacha performed magic in my ears and now I can even hear what you think”.

Daddu chacha has been the talk of the town for past few weeks. He is known to magically cure people’s ears by using a steel rod of some kind. Suddenly, my thoughts shifted from chicken curry to Daddu Chacha. Even my foolish brother got his ears cleaned. I need to make a plan to get mine cleaned too. In the morning, when I sip my hot ginger black coffee, I can feel my ears open for a split second, then it closes back again. I too want to experience that amazing feeling of hearing even the tiniest of the whispers.

I need to have an accomplice in this plan. But whom do I approach? I was licking chicken curry from my fingers and my eyes fell on Ben who was looking at me with disgust. I am bored and none of my friends were around. He is my only hope. After dinner I sneaked up to his room and told him my plan and as expected, he was very indifferent. Finally I told him,

“You know what, I heard from my brother that this place gets so many beautiful young girls. I am not suggesting you are that kind of person. But you are a boy. You must like looking at beautiful girls unless you already like someone”

I was angry with myself for having agreed to Jaan’s stupid plan. But she trapped me. I do not want her to think that I like someone, not that I really do, yet I did not want to give her that impression. I had to make her believe that I was girl-crazy like all other boys of my age and her proposition thrilled me. It is in fact a good idea when I think about it. I do like gawking at girls. Moreover, I was no longer seeing Jaan in the same way I had seen her that evening. The disgusting way in which she licked the chicken curry from her fingers kept replaying in my mind. I can never like or be near such a disgusting person in any romantic sense. The more I thought about it, the more I felt good about the notion of being a “ready to mingle” person.

The next day both of us got two rupees, one rupee for each ear and went to the big mango tree, 4 km from our home, where there was a crowd around Daggu chachu. Most were just onlookers who cheered Daggu Chacha whenever he got out chunks of ugly wax from someone’s ears. Bigger the chunk, greater the cheer and applause. This seemed like a very good entertainment for jobless men who loved dilly-dallying to be a part of something exciting without spending money or getting scolded by their wives. We got into the queue and I witnessed the most satisfying view I have had in all my life. Daggu Chacha took out a shining tool from his bag and inserted it inside the man’s ears. It came out with hard, shiny, and smooth wax not once or twice, many times. The smooth gliding of the empty tool and its retrieval with a lot of wax was nothing less than a gold expedition scene. It reminded me of bright ripe coffee being plucked from the tree. The tree is free from the weight of ripe fruits and ready to bear new ones.

Finally, my turn came. My stomach had butterflies. He smiled at me with his crooked teeth. I smiled back respectfully. He did the same trick in both my ears. All of a sudden, my entire world shifted. It became more loud and sound. I could hear everything in high definition. I felt lighter, seeing the heaps of wax out of my ears. I gave him two rupees and I felt he did me a favour ten times more valuable. When Ben’s turn came, he just skipped out of the line and came to me, saying he thought it was unhygienic. I tried to force him back into the line, trying to make him understand how wonderful it is to hear the world so clearly. I convinced him to take the chance. After he was done, he had to agree with how wonderfully clear and loud the world felt then. But it’s Ben and he always finds reasons to nag me. On the way back, I got an earful for wasting his precious time when there was not even a single girl of our age. How stupid of him to assume a line-up of beautiful girls at a place like this.

I slept as the happiest soul in the world because even tap water sounded like music to my ears that day. But it did not last long. The next morning, I had intense pain in my ears and I came down with a fever. If it was just me, I would have managed. But Ben also came down with a fever. He looked so pale that it frightened the shit out of me. I cursed myself for taking him with me. My parents took us in a jeep to the nearest hospital. If in good health, a jeep ride would have been priceless. Today, my thoughts are blurry with pain. The doctor gave us some ear drops and admitted us for two hours, after which both of us felt better.

When we were about to leave, the doctor went to Ben and asked,

“Now young man, be truthful, what did you do to your ears to have caused this? Do not lie to me. I know everything”

I was so terrified when I heard Ben recounting every single detail of our trip to Daggu Chacha’s ear cleaning site, including a detailed account of how he inserted the rod, how it felt, and how much wax came out. The Doctor burned with fury and scolded my parents for being so careless, who apologized to him. He immediately phoned to police station and referred to Daggu Chacha as a “quack”. We left the hospital soon after. There was pindrop silence till we reached home. As soon as the doors were closed, I got thrashed till the skin of the stick came off. Now, my back and my ears hurt alike, so much for the experience of hearing the world in high definition. Most of all, I felt heartbroken after being betrayed by my accomplice though I always knew not to trust him. Benjamin John is not my friend, never was and never will be..

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Waking from a Dream

May 7, 2026

Coffee Beans Tales, Novel

Coffee Beans Tales: Chapter 4

What???? Now, you expect me to introduce myself the way Jaan did? OK..

I am that son of a bitch about whom everybody gossips in this madman’s land because apparently international gossips sell more than the domestic ones. I have never seen my mother, nor have I heard about her from my father or anyone else, not in straightforward conversations anyways. But I just know that I am the result of a spur in the moment rendezvous sixteen years ago. I have overheard things both here and at home, which is why I hate coming to India. I hate it with all my soul. But I cannot stay away no matter how much I try. It’s not like my father forces me to come here. He always leaves it to my choice and I always end up coming back as though something is magnetically drawing me to this place. It could be her memories that I wish to rediscover though I do not have the courage to admit that. I never missed having a mother because you cannot miss something you never had from the start. But then you see these patterns, everywhere around you. It was the day I learned the definition of “family” at school that I realised perhaps I do not have one. I could not bring myself to ask about all these to my father because he was a wanderer who came once in a while with more gifts than I knew how to count. I chose to immerse myself in those blips and called it life.

I have lived doubting, questioning, and worrying because I have not been able to fit myself in the conventional definitions. It’s as though I do not have an essence. But look at her. She is all that can be defined by the word essence. She is a force of nature that just encapsulates everything around her like they belong to her. I must admit that I have laughed like I have never before when I am with Jaan. It’s her pathetically funny persona, nothing likeable but something that hooks your curiosity. She looks gloomy when she doesn’t speak, which is a rare occurrence because she is always yapping about countless minute things, one moment it’s about a lady bug and the next moment it’s about the patriarchy. You never get bored when you are with her. Am I saying positive things about her now? I don’t know. Something is wrong with my head.

Suddenly, I had the sensation of my fingers being interlaced with hers. I could undo the interlacing if I wanted to because she had held my hands so lightly as if it were some relic made of glass. But instead I strengthened the grip and drew her a bit closer than she already was. We were standing in this breathtakingly beautiful place with an astounding combination of colours all around. The fragrance of the flowers was making me feel light headed as if I was falling into some kind of trance. I could see two black, large eyes piercing into my eyes, into my heart with a closeness that felt overwhelming, but too precious to break off. Thick black curls flew in the wind, slightly brushing against my cheeks. Maybe, it was the evening sun, this place, I do not know what was causing me to see her in a new light. Before I completely lost myself and did something irreversible, a very sharp pricking pain dug into my wrist causing me to flinch and scream in pain.

Forgive my intrusion. Yes, I pinched him. I pinched him with my well groomed nails so hard that my coveted little cuties broke down and I could see teeny tiny red marks on his pale wrists. His scream frightened my poor babies and I could hear them cursing me for bringing a stranger into our haven. I am not quite sure what caused me to pursue such an extreme act of violence. The look in his eyes began to scare me. His sea blue eyes were just a few seconds away from my eyelashes and I was terrified. It felt as if he was lost in some deep slumber with his eyes wide open. My mind’s voice asked me to awaken him, and that’s what I did. He was so awake that right after screaming he ran down the hills like some maniac and became a small speck of dust before my eyes.

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The Meadow of Happiness

May 5, 2026

Coffee Beans Tales, Novel

Coffee Beans Tales: Chapter 3

I am enveloped by the smell of coffee in its full bloom, it makes me feel like a freshly peeled piece of ginger floating on the surface of warm coffee, in a fancy cup. But as you know, ginger is only one of the ingredients, of course it’s special, not exactly a necessity. So if someone doesn’t like you, they can simply ignore you or just scoop you out.

Ghattu Kakka is one such person. His timing is perfect, always scooping me out of my dream, investing his well groomed nails, deep into my ears and frowning straight into my eyes. Though my ears did hurt, I cannot but giggle at his idiotic attire, trying to imitate uncle John, who comes by every year, to visit our
estate.

When I say, our estate, it doesn’t mean it’s ours, we just work here, and by habit came to consider it as ours. If it really was ours, how different would it have been and that takes me on the longest and fanciest dreams I ever had. Since it might be a little boring for you guys, I am not going into it. Moreover, my today’s dream allowance has been completed successfully, marked by my red ears.

Don’t consider me a rude person, that I did not introduce myself in the beginning. I am Jaan, simply Jaan, no middle name, no surname, no nothing. You already know about me from the two little adventures you read about earlier, I believe. Yet, I think I owe you the courtesy of introducing myself.

I live with my mother, elder sister and two older brothers, in the most serene and complicated construct, situated amidst green fields, tall mountains, singing rivers and nature enthusiasts, which for ease of your comprehension, I would like to refer to as our “hut”. Our hut used to be like all the others in the area, beautifully crafted with large leaves, grass, mud and what not, and vulnerable to fierce wind and rain. Sometimes when I lay, looking at the roof, I feel like it’s waiting to come down and embrace us, any time now. That’s a bit scary, isn’t it? But now, our hut got upgraded, with gorgeous a little red roof and plastered walls. I know that people are bitching behind our back about our sudden riches and the friendship with uncle John. There are so many secrets which even I am not aware of. I promise you, I will find them all out and make it known to all of you.

I almost forgot a teeny tiny detail about my family. I also have my grandmother living with us. She is toothless and silver haired. I left her out on purpose. Describing her odd habits might give you guys a terror. Eavesdropping is not a crime, it just happens sometimes, so on one such occasion I overheard how she used to swing upside down from the arecanut trees when infested by Neeli, the neighbourhood ghost. We have so many ghosts living around us and as per my calculation, Neeli has the closest proximity to our house and so enhances the probability of entering our bodies.

I actually believed in this rubbish, until I was ten. But then I was stricken by a new realisation. If there was something like an afterlife, human beings would be haunted all the time for the countless number of killings of hen, cow, pig etc etc. If the animals do not reincarnate as ghosts, then why does humans do it? An ant dies, and it’s story is over. It lived and it died, so do we. The difference that makes us reborn as ghost is simply our imagination. What a discovery, right? Anyways I don’t have anyone else to share these fabulous ideas, because nobody listens to me. Being youngest in a family of so many members is quite a hardship. Speaking of hardships, reminds me of school, about which I need not worry today.

I have been staying away from Ben, as promised. After all he did help me save Lallu from Somu. So, I sneaked out to my favourite hide-out – the meadow of flowers. When I am bored of the cacophony inside and outside, I come here. The meadow is so beautiful and silent. However, the way up is not exactly easy. But once you reach there, your lungs are overwhelmed by the sweet scent of grass and flowers. So many colours sway their heads in harmony with the wind, that if you sway along, you can hear them talk. So I swayed and swayed and listened to them talk. This piece of my heart here, always gives me peace and pleasure.

You know what flowers talk about the most, they talk about women. They wished to be born as women, but then God decided, it can’t be, because they were not strong enough to endure the challenges. God needed more time to create women, because he had to bolden their hearts and tighten their grips. But the flowers still think that God will have a change of heart and transform them to women, if they sway really well. This is what they talk about all the time. I asked them once, why don’t you wish to be a man, since men always have an upper hand over women. To my surprise, they were disgusted by the very thought of being a man, because they think men are ugly and lack the sophistication of a woman who can create more men or women, whereas men cannot do that. They think women are like coffee, flavoured and strong.

These conversations with them, whether real or in my head, gave me some confidence in my existence. When there are intruders I can’t hear them talk, so when they suddenly stopped talking, I realised that there was someone up there and turned around to face the intruder. It was Benny and Uncle John. I ran towards him, and he tightened me in a warm hug, like always. I noticed a flicker of jealousy in Ben’s eyes.

Uncle John said,

” Why did you leave my boy alone Jaan? Did I not ask you to take good care of him?

“His boy”, I wondered about Ben’s mother and why Uncle John kept coming back here. I thought back about the gossip, that, Uncle John had an affair with a native woman and she died giving birth to his son. Seems like this one had some truth in it. Seeing my baffled look, uncle John shook me and asked me to keep Ben company.

I took Ben by his hand and pulled him towards the flowers. He broke away from my grip and said,

“I don’t want to look around, especially not with her. She is nothing but trouble.”

Insults were not news for me, especially not from him. So I took one step closer to him and said,

“Why don’t you come with me Benny?”

He did not resist anymore and just followed me into the meadow of flowers. Above us, the sky turned different shades of red and gold and around us the flowers swayed in their colourful frocks. We just stood there hand-in-hand, watching the sky and the flowers. If it had been some other boy, there might have been some scope for romantic sweet nothings. But, NO, not with Ben, NEVER EVER..

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The Escapade

May 4, 2026

Coffee Beans Tales, Novel

Coffee Beans Tales: Chapter 2

From wistful mornings to regretful evenings, her blabbering continued. Unfortunately, my father left me with her family while he went on his regular mysterious journeys in the country. When he left, he called Jaan and told her,

“Take good care of my boy, don’t leave him alone”.

Jaan was as loyal as a pet dog to my father, and since the moment he departed, she never left my side. I wonder if she was so loyal because of the little incident the other day after which I have been trying best to ignore her. I was so embarassed that I even skipped the scrumptious meals served for the celebration of her “womanhood”. It was even more embarrassing at times when I had to pee because she kept following me around.

Jaan was a decisive girl. I tried being rude to her, but her skin was as thick as that of a wild boar, and none of my insults seemed to permeate her. But I found a way to escape from her endless chirping. She was immersed in her chattering and did not actually care, if I listened or not. So, I chose to enjoy the serenity around me. Though she was a pain in the ass, she had a vivid taste in the places she chose to take me. The part of the coffee plantations she took me was quite beautiful. There was a small hut on one side, where they made fresh coffee for tourists. There were wooden benches for us to sit on as well. I took a sip of the coffee and felt a current passing right through my brain, shaking it wide awake to the present and to Jaan. She asked me,

“Tell me, Benny, do you like coffee?”

“Of course I like it, otherwise I wouldn’t be drinking it, isn’t that obvious”?

“Why do you like it”?

Now she was definitely getting on my nerves, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut even while drinking or eating.I simply released a distorted grunt and she said

“Do you know why I like it, because it’s just like me, it’s dark and flavored, too much can make you feel awful, not everybody likes it, but if you like it, you get a hang of it and can’t live without it”

I couldn’t help but laugh at this.What an odd girl is she, she was well aware of herself and very confident at that too. She was not exactly beautiful, too dark and too fat at the same time is what I would call “unfortunate” for a girl. I personally preferred fair and slim girls with golden hair. But that doesn’t make me a racist, but just an admirer of true beauty.

I pitied her for being ugly, and decided to be nice to her. But, the problem with me is, I am never able to find the right words. Finally, as I decided to open my mouth to say something nice, I saw Lalitha, coming straight at us. Lalitha was Jaan’s best friend and now she no longer needed me. As soon as Lalitha joined us, I took the opportunity to sneak away, finally enjoying my freedom. I ran halfway and took a moment to turn back. I was astonished to see that Jaan did not even notice my absence and was chattering away with Lalitha, as though she was there the entire time. I do not know why, I felt a little irritated by this. I waited for a bit more for Jaan to call me back and when there was no sight of her, I ran as fast as I could, back to her home.

I was so thrilled to see Lalitha. I hadn’t seen her for the last week. I loitered once or twice a day in her neighbourhood, and saw some of her relatives coming and going, but never did I see her. I kept telling myself, something was definitely wrong. Today I can see that, my instincts were quite correct. Lalitha was not quite herself today. I could see streaks of dried-up tears on her face. I did not ask her anything and waited for her to open up. Lalitha and I are quite the opposite kinds. I always talk too much and she never enough. So, it was quite a hassle to get something out of her. After half an hour or so, Lalitha opened her mouth or I thought she did. The only thing I could gather was muffled sobs and in between a word or two like “marriage”.

“Lallu, I couldn’t understand a thing you just said, who is getting married and to whom, and most of all, why are you crying about it?”

I turned back and looked at Benny for some help, only to discover that he was gone. Anyways, there was no time to ponder over his absence, I had more important things to deal with now.Lallu stopped crying

“I am getting married in three days, to..to..Somu”

and she burst into tears again. I was dishevelled, first of all Lallu was getting married, she was only 16 years old, same as me, secondly Somu was the most undesirable man in the entire neighbourhood. He was around 40 years of age. He was a drunkard and a womaniser. How could they do this to Lallu, my sweet Lallu who was as soft as a rose. This couldn’t be. I cannot let this be. I held her in my arms and tried to quiet her down.

“As long as I am alive, I won’t let this happen Lallu. We have got three more days right, I will plan something, please don’t worry”.

I held her hand all the way back home. Both of us were silent. I reassured her that nothing unfortunate will happen. I walked towards my home. As soon as I reached my home, I found a sulking Ben right at the courtyard. He had been talking to my mother, when I went in. As soon as I reached her, she roared at me in anger

“You wretched girl, what did I tell you, why did you leave the darling boy all by himself. he could have lost his way, or somebody could have kidnapped him, what face would we show before Uncle John.”

He is as long as a ladder, you must be stupid to assume that somebody would try to kidnap him”

I glared at Benny

“I knew you were a selfish asshole, but I did not think you were a liar. How dare you lie that I abandoned you when you went at your own will”

Before I could say any further, I felt the heat of my mothers’ beating on my back. She hadn’t raised her hands at me since I was 13. I felt angry, sad, and embarrassed about being beaten in front of him. But I couldn’t cry before him, that would be accepting failure, instead, I ran into my room and took out all the anger by shutting the door of my room, as hard as I could, without the door falling apart.

I went into my room and paced up and down. I did not know, what else to do. All my courage was slowly drifting away. I was in a very difficult situation myself and on top of that I had Lallu’s issue to solve. I had put on an act before her, even without knowing a way out. I racked my brain for something, anything. Suddenly, it struck me, Lallu was only 16, which means according to what we study in the school, this marriage is illegal. So, if we inform the police, they would not let the marriage happen. What a brilliant idea. But how do I inform the police? Even if I go in person, will they listen to me. Even my own mother doesn’t trust me on anything, why would the police believe me?

Suddenly remembered, yes Ramu, he recently joined the police forces and lived in the fourth block. He was my senior in school. May be I could ask him for help. He will definitely help me. He even had a crush on Lallu and had asked me to hand over a letter to her during one of those days, I remember vaguely. But, he lived all by himself and how could I go there. I definitely needed some help. As I was calculating the various possibilities, I heard a small knock on my door. It definitely couldn’t be my mother, for if it was her, she would have broken the door by now. So, I wondered who it could be and was utterly surprised to see Benny outside my bedroom door.

I was in one of my worst nightmares right now. I had knocked very gently, I did not even think she would open the door. Now I had no choice before me, so I said,

“See Jaan, it was not in my intention to hurt you, I am…I am…I am…sry”

I couldn’t believe myself, it was clear that even she couldn’t believe her ears. Her face was so full of anger, that I thought she would lunge at me any time now. Just in a flash of a second, I saw her face soften, she took a step forward and said,

“Benny, you really did hurt me today, but I forgive you because you are uncle John’s son, and..because you helped be before. But forgiveness always comes with a cost and you have to pay me that cost”

Now I felt completely trapped. So there was a solid reason for the sudden change of weather from thunder and lightning to breeze and drizzle, I wonder what it could be. I waited for her to complete it. She began her long, very long story of years of friendship with Lallu and took three hours to complete it and tell me that she needed me to accompany her to see some police guy, to break off Lalitha’s marriage. She begged me to go with her and her pleadings were like little needles that poked me and reminded me of my guilty action towards her a few hours ago. I had no choice but to agree with her

“You should know that, right now, you are the only devil in my life, taking away all my sanity and tormenting me every moment. I do not understand how you absolutely walk into trouble like this. This is the last and final time I will be helping you”

And in the night I set out with her, to God knows whose house. I learned from her repeated blabbering that the police man’s name was Ramu. His house was not too far. It was a neat little building four blocks from Jaan’s house. There was even a calling bell in his house, which was rare in this part of the country. We pressed the calling bell and waited. I was imagining a fat, old man, who would come and shout at us the very instant he heard Jaan’s blabbering. Instead there came out a very handsome hotshot of a guy, whom I couldn’t say was much older than myself.

As soon as he came out, I saw a shift in the personality of Jaan. She became very coy, and let out a feminine smile towards the gentleman. What had happened to the jumping monkey of a person I had always seen. All my inner universe was bursting with laughter at this new development. He approached us with a smile and welcomed Jaan in the warmest of ways. He greeted me as though he already knew me. We sat in the charpoy in his courtyard and he offered us some drinks. From the comfortable demeanor of Jaan, I presumed she totally forgot the entire purpose behind our visit. So I took over and told Ramu everything. Once I began talking, Jaan woke up from her frivolous thoughts about the gentleman sitting right before us and joined me in the talk. Ramu listened very carefully and did not intervene even once and when we finished he came up to us and took my hand in his hands and said,

“I promise you that I will do everything in my power to stop Lalitha’s marriage with Somu. Please make sure not to tell this to anyone else, if anyone else knows, they may not let me do things according to my plan”

“Brilliant, you already have a plan, so there is nothing for us to worry”.

I shook his hands as a man would to another man and I had to force Jaan by hand to take her back home. She looked like she was ready to spent the night looking at the handsome face of Ramu. So I had to pinch her on our way back to bring her to her senses.

“What do you think you are doing Jaan? I thought you wanted to save your friend and you ended up drooling over some strange man you just met”

Driving her mad gave me some sort of pleasure and instantaneously the madness in the monkey was let loose. She barked at me

“I was just being humble, because he was a gentleman, unlike you, you are so filthy Benny that you equate my humility to drooling. I was just being thankful for his help”

and she went on and on about my lack of empathy and kindness. My head was heavy from hearing all the bad words and lack of sleep. It was 2 am in the morning. I couldn’t see or hear anything other than my bed right now.

I was so unfortunate as to carry Ben to his bed. He was so heavy. My shoulders ached from carrying him for half a mile around. I was happy to finally dump him in his bed and straighten my back. I must say, while asleep he looked handsome and innocent. I stood there looking at his handsome face for thirty seconds and had to pinch myself out of his room. God did a terrible mistake by giving such a vicious person such a pretty face.

I went back to my room and jumped up and down in ecstasy. I was so proud of myself that I could save Lalitha. I could think of nothing more because my head was so heavy from all the thinking and impending sleep.

Though I slept late, I woke up early in the morning. I wanted to be ready when I received the news of Lallu’s marriage being stopped by the police. I remained at home the entire day because every tiny bit of gossip was served fresh in my home by my aunt. But the day was quite uneventful, even the next day passed without much happening.

Finally the day of Lallu’s marriage arrived. Everyone in my home was getting ready to attend the marriage. I was so confused. The only person I could confide in was Ben. So, I went into his room, early in the morning, while he was still asleep and poked him awake. He did not get as angry as I imagined him to be, maybe because he sensed my half-sobs.

“I don’t get it Ben, why hasn’t anything happened yet”

“Jaan, may be Ramu did not take us quite seriously, or may be he is also a perpetrator in this marriage, He told us not to tell anyone else, so that he could make sure the marriage went through without any commotion. We were fools to have trusted him”

“I don’t know how I will face Lallu ever again, she had trusted me so much and there is not anything I can do now”.

“It’s not your fault Jaan, let us assume it was in her fate to marry someone like Somu.”

I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t set my foot on the marriage hall, until my mother vowed to set my foot on fire if I didn’t. Both myself and Ben were dragged to the marriage scene. I imagined Lallu, sitting on the stage like a goat ready to be slaughtered and I imagined wicked Somu, humming and sitting beside her. The very thought broke my heart into a thousand pieces.

Then I saw it, I saw Lallu sitting on the stage and she looked quite different from what I had expected. She was beaming and waving her hand at me. Perhaps she finally accepted her fate. She was wearing a blood-red saree, with matching ruby ornaments. Her hair was covered with jasmine and she looked so divine, so gentle and so young, like a child playing role play. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and Ben offered me his handkerchief, only so that I wouldn’t be an embarrassment.

It was time for the groom to enter. The crowd hooted and cheered at the entry of the groom. My eyes were so blurry from tears that Somu looked a bit different and even handsome. Beside me, Ben was shaking me vigorously to bring me to my senses.

It was only when I wiped my eyes I could see the groom clearly and my jaws dropped at the sight of Ramu sitting beside Lallu. The groom was not the womanizer Somu, it was the gentle and handsome Ramu, whom we had approached to break off the marriage. I looked at Ben and he was laughing like an idiot. He whispered in my ears

“So, the man kept his word after all, he only promised us he wouldn’t let Lalitha marry Somu, he never said he would stop the marriage.”

I do not know how this happened, but to believe that my little attempt brought that broad smile on Lallu’s face was something worth being proud of. Of course, the marriage was illegal and of course, Ramu had tricked us, but some sudden course just simply brought every piece together and it somehow fit perfectly..

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The Beginning

May 4, 2026

Coffee Beans Tales, Novel

Coffee Beans Tales: Chapter 1

It was one fine morning on 1980 January 12 that Jaan’s world came crashing down. She had suddenly transformed from a girl to a women on that day. It was on the very same day she met Benjamin for the first time. Two events with similar effects on her life- both plagued her existence. It was barely 6 a.m. in the morning, a Sunday too. Jaan was quite in the mood and woke up early because she had it all planned in her mind. She would go with Elikkutty to watch a movie, the most thrilling part of which was nobody knew their plans.

There was something quite liberating about doing things that made you happy, without least caring about what others thought. But a partner in crime is always necessary because in case you get caught you need someone to share the guilty with. Elikkutty was the most suitable person for the pursuit of doing things like this. She always enjoyed the thrills of doing things in secret. Though she had plenty of tapioca in her field, she always found it intoxicating to steal the tapioca from someone else’s field. Her claim was that it tasted better because she had put in an effort to scurry it out.

The process of stealing tapioca is quite interesting. Jaan always stood guard while she dug into the soil with both her hands. Once she was successful she held the tapioca up like a trophy for Jaan to see, her dark brown eyes shining with pride and her cheeks pink from the toil. Watching her through the evening rays of the sun always made Jaan realise how beautiful she was and how ugly she herself was.

Elikkutty was tall and fair, with big eyes brimming with thick lashes and a head full of silk smooth hair. There was a completeness to the way she looked as if every proportion just turned out right, whereas Jaan looked like an incomplete portrait with all the imperfections just poking right to the face. However Elikkutty had always told to wait for “the day” and then things would change for Jaan. Never in her wildest dreams had she that the day would be today.

To Jaan, today was special because of the impending excitement that kept bubbling upon the thought of watching the movie. She was about to wake up ,when her mother came, breathless, with a cup of coffee in her hand. She was yelling at the top of her voice and it became difficult for Jaan to understand. The only thing she understood was that they were having guests and Jaan should help her in the kitchen. Rest of the details was not very clear. But she was happy because guests were a great way of distracting her mother. She would be fully absorbed in making them comfortable while Jaan could slip away. Nobody would notice her absence. So she went down cheerfully to help her mother in the kitchen.

Her mother was describing the guests in the same breathless manner as before to the servants. Somebody was coming and that somebody was important. This much was understandable. There was one more person she should take care of – her older brother Jagath. Jag was a 26 year old man with the brain of a 6 year old. He still enjoyed playing tricks on Jaan, it was only yesterday she was fooled by him on account of an invisible extra terrestrial animal which he managed to trap in a glass jar.His acting was so perfect she actually heard the empty jar talking back to Jag. The least desirable behaviour from Jag was the display of his ugly pheromones to attract Elikkutty, as if she would fall for him. Anyways getting past him was assured by Elikkutty by distracting him.

Her string of thoughts was cut across by a hot beating from her mother. The guests had arrived and mother was asking her to follow her with the snack tray. It was unlike mother to trust her with something as important as the tea tray. Jaan picked up the tray and followed her mother expecting a bus full of guests, judging by the plenteous delicacies that were made.

Jaan’s jaw dropped on reaching the living room, because there were only two people, two men in the room. She looked expectantly at the doorway, but no, that was it. All this toil for these two men. Actually a man and a boy. The man did not look like a native. He seemed to be foreign. The boy was tall and athletic with fair skin and blonde curls. His face had an unfathomable expression as though he was forced to come there.

There, it happened again, Jaan was lost in thoughts and the snack tray was left unserved until her mother pinched her out of her dreams. She left the snack tray on the table. The man introduced himself as John, happened to be Jaan’s father’s friend and the boy was his son, Benjamin. It was hard to believe that a man like uncle John with such a friendly demeanor had a grumpy son like Benjamin. Not even during his introduction had he lifted his head or looked at Jaan.

Anyways, Jaan was the least bit interested in him and was already on her way to slip out, when her father caught her and said “Jaan, why don’t you take Benny around our fields and plantation, I think he couls enjoy a bit of fresh air.” Jaan wished she would be struck by lightning rather than entertaining an indifferent stranger like Benjamin, that too by sacrificing her opportunity to have fun with Elikkutty. But her father’s words were the final word and she was in no position to oppose. Her only hope was that, maybe, this boy would refuse. So she put on an innocent face and said, “Oh, father look at how tired Benny is, I doubt he would be able to enjoy the long walks”.

Jaans mind voice was scolding her”Why did you just call a total stranger by a nick name”?

Jaan thought to herself, Benny, yeah, whatever..

Her father was just about to agree, when Benjamin opened his mouth, “I am not tired and I wish to go out”. Now, Jaan was really trapped. She cursed the timing chosen by Elikkutty to distract Jag. Now Elikkutty was trapped with Jag and herself with this Benjamin boy. Being trapped with Jag seemed a better scenario of the two. Jaan was determined that after this trip, never again will Benjamin have the courage to take a trip with her.

She walked ahead without a word and Benjamin followed. She took the dirtiest paths of all to lead him to the coffee plantations. The uphill journey exhausted her and she laughed to herself thinking how tired Benjamin would be, being a well bred boy, born in perhaps a gold cocoon. As they reached the plantation, she stopped for a minute to catch her breath and turned around to look at Benjamin. She could not believe her eyes. Not only did he show any signs of fatigue, he was as fresh as dew drops on the touch me not plant during mornings. Seeing her fatigue he asked her “would you like to sit down for a bit?”

Her pride was hurt. Here she was, trying to take it out on him for interrupting her plans and the one who got punished was herself. She sat down on the grass in silence without replying to him. He sat down beside here and she felt his gaze on her. She lifted her eyes and scanned his face. Was he older than her, that can’t be the case. Maybe they were of the same age.

As though he read her thoughts, he said, “I am sixteen, how about you?” His voice was deep and clear. She was a bit taken aback by the closeness of his voice in her ears. It was as though she could smell him. She replied, “me too”. Jaan asked “can you smell it?” He closed his eyes and took a moment to draw in all the air. Jaan felt like there was no air left for her to breathe, this thought made her giggle and he opened his eyes.

He said, “yes I can feel it, it’s coffee right?”, and he added, “I understand that you took me here as a punishment but I enjoyed the walk up here, and this smell is just so relaxing”.

Jaan was taken aback and she said in a haughty tone,

” How vile of you to think like that when I brought you to the most beautiful place in the neighbourhood.”

“Is that so, do you think I am foolish enought not to notice that you took the long crooked way around, when there was clearly a straight path leading to this place.”

Jaan stood up to walk away when something unexpected happened. Benjamin jumped up and stopped her by blocking her. Jaan was confused. Benjamin’s face went paper white and he was literally begging her not to go. Jaan asked him

“what is the matter with you?” she shoved him aside and moved forward.

He instantly pulled her back towards him and he was clearly struggling to form some word, any word. Only his hot breath fell on her face, while his mouth twisted so many ways trying to form a word.

Jaan began sweating and the pain that started in her stomach a little while ago began to increase. Benjamin finally mustered courage and spoke,

“Jaan, you have got blood on your skirt”

Jaan felt like fainting, she wished to be sucked into the earth so that she wouldn’t have to reply him. Ofcourse, she had had the talk with her mother who was impatiently waiting for her box to tick red. But fate had it totally wrong. She was on the top of a mountain, with a stranger, and she was in her most vulnerable state. She wanted to punish him and she got punished instead. She wanted to see her mother or her brother at the least. She did not know what to do, huge drops of tears fell down her cheeks, she felt so embarrassed to look at him.

That is when it happened, Benjamin pulled her close to him and hugged her, patted her back and said, “It’s alright, there is nothing to worry about. This happens to every girl, it is just a normal way of life. I will get you home safe. Now wipe your tears”.

He broke loose and Jaan felt a new confidence in him. He no longer seemed like the grumpy stranger. She could feel the kindness and patience in his sea blue eyes. He removed his coat and asked her to tie it around her waist. He took her hands and led the way back home. It was a long walk and when they reached the front, he said that they should take the back door. She hurried to her room and before closing the door of her room she said

” Thank you Benjamin, I am relieved to think that you were with me when this happened. I will never forget your kindness”.

For a second Jaan saw Benjamin’s cheek turning a deep shade of pink, and without a word he walked away..

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Paranoid

May 16, 2026

Poem

The screeching silence has
painted faces in my sky.
Wax, oil and the intermittent
blue expressing sad, joyful
and guilty gasps now and then.
I stretch my hands to touch
their puffy cheeks, rainy
eyes, and glowing hair.
But stuck like glue am I
to the legs of this couch.
Stories I whisper through my
eyes into their mundane heads,
so that they let my clouds free
to descend down to the earth
once and for all…….

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ഏച്ചി

May 6, 2026

short-story

മനസിനും ശരീരത്തിനും ഒട്ടും ഭാരമില്ലാതിരുന്ന കാലം. ഓരോ ആഴ്ചയും ഞാനും ഏച്ചിയും കാത്തിരുന്നത് ഞായറാഴ്ചകൾക്ക് വേണ്ടിയാണു. പറയുമ്പോൾ ഞങ്ങൾ തമ്മിൽ അത്ര സ്വരച്ചേർച്ച ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ലെങ്കിലും ഞായറാചകൾക്ക് വേണ്ടി ചെറിയ ചില വിട്ടുവീഴ്ചകൾ ചെയ്തിരുന്നു.

ഞാൻ കറുത്തതും ഏച്ചി വെളുത്തതും ആണ് എന്നുള്ള ചിന്ത എന്നിൽ ചെറുതായി അസൂയയുടെ വിത്തുകൾ പാകിയിരുന്നു. വീട്ടിൽ അത്തരത്തിൽ വിവേചനപരമായ പ്രവർത്തനങ്ങൾ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ലെങ്കിലും, നാട്ടിൽ വെളുത്ത കുട്ടികൾ ഉള്ള വല്യമ്മമ്മാരും മൂത്തമ്മമാരും പറയുന്നത് എന്റെ മനസ്സിൽ കയറി കൂടിയിരുന്നു “ഓൻ വെളുത്തിട്ടായൊണ്ട് ഓന് ഏതു കളറും ചേരും.” പൊതുവെ ഉടുപ്പെടുക്കുമ്പോൾ എനിക്ക് ലൈറ്റ് നിറങ്ങളും ഏച്ചിക്ക് ഡാർക്ക്‌ നിറങ്ങളും എടുക്കുന്നതും എന്റെ ശ്രദ്ധയിൽ പെട്ടിരുന്നു.

ഏറെക്കുറെ ഈ കളർ കോംപ്ലക്സ് മറികടക്കാൻ എന്നെ സഹായിച്ചത് എന്റെ സ്കൂളിലെ മോറൽ സയൻസ് ക്‌ളാസുകൾ ആണെന്ന് പറയാം. അച്ചടക്കം, വൃത്തി, കഠിനാധ്വാനം എന്നിവ ആണ് ഒരു മനുഷ്യന് പ്രധാനം എന്നുള്ള തോന്നൽ എന്റെ സെൽഫ് കോൺഫിഡൻസ് ചെറിയ രീതിയിൽ വർധിപ്പിച്ചിരുന്നു. കളർ കോംപ്ലക്സ് മാറ്റി വച്ചാലും അടി ഉണ്ടാക്കാൻ പിന്നെയും നൂറു കാരണങ്ങൾ എനിക്കും എച്ചിക്കും ഇടയിൽ ബാക്കി ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു.

വീടിനു പുറമെ മിതഭാഷി ആയിരുന്നെങ്കിലും വീട്ടിൽ ഞാനൊരു കൂതറ ആയിരുന്നു. കൈയ്യങ്കാളി വീട്ടിൽ നിരോധിച്ചതിനാൽ, വാക്കുകൾ കൊണ്ടുള്ള കുത്തി നോവിക്കൽ ആയിരുന്നു അധികവും. ഏച്ചി സ്കൂളിൽ നിന്ന് പഠിച്ച വലിയ വലിയ പദങ്ങൾ എനിക്ക് നേരെ ഉപയോഗിച്ചു “നിനക്ക് സ്പ്ളിറ് പേഴ്സണാലിറ്റി ഡിസ്ഓർഡർ ആണ്, നിന്റെ മെടുല ഒബ്ലോങ്ങാറ്റ ഞാൻ അടിച്ചു തകർക്കും.” മെടുല ഓബ്ലോങ്ങാറ്റ വരെ കാര്യങ്ങൾ എത്തിയാൽ പിന്നെ എനിക്ക് വജ്രായുധം പുറത്തെടുക്കുകയല്ലാതെ വേറെ വഴിയില്ല. “അമ്മേ” എന്ന് നീട്ടി ഒരു വിളി, പിന്നെ എങ്ങൽ അടിച്ചു രണ്ട് കരച്ചിൽ, ചപ്പാത്തി പരത്തുന്ന കൊലുമായി വന്നു അമ്മ എന്താണ് കാരണം എന്ന് പോലും ആന്വേഷിക്കാതെ ഏച്ചിക്ക് രണ്ടെണ്ണം കൊടുക്കും. ആറു വയസ്സിന്റെ വ്യത്യാസം മുതെലെടുക്കാൻ ഇങ്ങനെ കിട്ടുന്ന അവസരങ്ങൾ ഞാൻ കൃത്യമായി ഉപയോഗിച്ചിരുന്നു.

പക്ഷെ ഞായറാഴ്ചകൾ അങ്ങനെ അല്ല. ഞായറാഴ്ച അച്ഛൻ വീട്ടിൽ ഉണ്ടാകും. കാര്യങ്ങളുടെ ന്യായ അന്യായങ്ങൾ അന്വേഷിച്ചു നടപടി സ്വീകരിക്കുമ്പോൾ ചിലപ്പോൾ ഞായറാഴ്ച ഉള്ള പുറത്തു പോക്ക് ക്യാൻസൽ ആകും. അത് കൊണ്ട് അന്ന് ഞങ്ങൾ ഉടമ്പടി ഒപ്പിട്ട പോലെ മാന്യമായ പെരുമാറ്റച്ചാട്ടം പാലിച്ചിരുന്നു. അച്ഛൻ രാവിലെ തന്നെ ബജാജ് സ്കൂട്ടർ കഴുകി വൃത്തിയാക്കി റെഡി ആക്കി വാക്കും. ഞങ്ങൾ നാല് പേർക്ക് വിശാലമായി ഇരുന്നു പോകാൻ ഉള്ള ഷോറൂം ആ വണ്ടിയിൽ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു എന്ന് ഇന്നെനിക്ക് വിശ്വസിക്കാൻ ആകുന്നില്ല. ഇന്ന് പലരും triple വച്ചു പോകുമ്പോൾ ഞാൻ അവരെ വിമർശിക്കാറുണ്ട്. പിന്നിട്ട വഴികൾ എത്ര പെട്ടന്നാണ് അല്ലെ മനുഷ്യൻ മറക്കുന്നത്.

ആ ബജാജ് സ്കൂട്ടർ അച്ഛൻ വിട്ടപ്പോൾ എനിക്ക് വീട്ടിലെ പ്ലാവ് വെട്ടിയപ്പോൾ ഉള്ള അതെ വിഷമം തോന്നിയിരുന്നു. സ്കൂട്ടറിന്റെ മുന്നിൽ ഇരുന്നു കാറ്റു ഒക്കെ കൊണ്ട് കോഴിക്കോട് വരെ ഉള്ള യാത്ര, അത്ര സുഖമുള്ള യാത്ര വേറെ ഇല്ല. കോഴിക്കോട് എത്തിയാൽ ആദ്യം ഞങ്ങൾ സിനിമയ്ക്കു പോകും. പിന്നെ സാഗർ ഹോട്ടലിൽ നിന്ന് ബിരിയാണി. ബീച് വിസിറ്റോടു കൂടി ഞായറാഴ്ച സമ്പൂർണമാകും. അച്ഛനും അമ്മയും നാട്ടു വാർത്തനത്തിൽ മുഴുകുമ്പോൾ ഞങ്ങൾ കടലിൽ കളിക്കും. ഏച്ചി കൂടെ ഉണ്ട് എന്നുള്ള വിശ്വാസത്തിൽ അന്ന് പക്ഷെ ഞാൻ കൊർച് അധികം മുന്നോട്ട് പോയി. തിരമാലകൾ വന്നു മൂടിയതും ബാലൻസ് തെറ്റിയതും ഒന്നിച്ചായിരിന്നു. ഞാൻ മുങ്ങി താഴാൻ തുടങ്ങി. ചാവാൻ പോവുകയാണ് എന്നെനിക്കു തന്നെ തോന്നി. പെട്ടന്ന് എന്നെ കടൽ വലിക്കുന്നതിനേക്കാൾ ശക്തിയിൽ ആരോ പിന്നോട്ട് വലിച്ചു. കണ്ണു തുറന്നപ്പോൾ ഏച്ചി ആണ് എന്നെ കൈ പിടിച്ചു എണീപ്പിച്ചത്. മുന്നോട്ട് പോയതിനു കൊറേ ചീത്തയും പറഞ്ഞു. അച്ഛനും അമ്മയും ഇതൊന്നും അറിഞ്ഞിട്ടില്ല. എന്നെ അച്ഛന്റെയും അമ്മയുടെയും അടുത്തേക്ക് കൊണ്ട് പോയി ഏച്ചി പ്രഖ്യാപിച്ചു “ഇതാ കടലിൽ മുങ്ങി ചവാൻ പോയ നിങ്ങളുടെ മോള്”. അങ്ങനെ നാലാം ക്‌ളാസിൽ വച്ചു കടൽ എടുക്കേണ്ടിയിരുന്ന എന്റെ ജീവിതം സ്വന്തം ഇച്ഛാശക്തി കൊണ്ട് തിരിച്ചു പിടിച്ച എച്ചിയുടെ പിന്നാലെ ഞാൻ സൂപ്പർമാൻ രക്ഷിച്ച പട്ടിക്കുട്ടിയെ പോലെ വാലാട്ടി നടന്നു. പക്ഷെ അച്ഛൻ പിറ്റേ ദിവസം കൊണ്ട് വന്ന മൂന്നു ചോക്കോബാറിനു മുന്നിൽ ആ നന്ദി അലിഞ്ഞു ഇല്ലാതെ ആയി..

Picture courtesy : Pexels (Akshay Suresh)

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Beauty

May 4, 2026

Poem

You remind me of coffee,

in both colour and flavour.

I wish to be that tiny ginger,

floating with all the fervour.

I close my eyes to see you,

black that I see now is anew.

Smitten by your shades of black,

I strive to set my senses back.

You are the only bright ray of hope,

in the dull white world I wish to elope.

Embraced tight in your soft black hearth,

I loosened the gripping white of death…

PC: 3Motional Studio, Pexels

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ഇടിവെട്ടി

July 11, 2020

Poem

മഴ തോർന്നു വാർന്നൊരു
മുറ്റത്തിൻ മൂലയിൽ ഇടിവെട്ടി-
യൊന്നിന്റെ അരികിലണഞ്ഞു
ഞാൻ ചെവിയൊന്നു കൂർപ്പിച്ചു.
ആണ്ടിലൊരിക്കൽ വന്നു വിരിഞ്ഞു
കഥകൾ പറയുന്നോരെന്റെ തോഴി.
ഇടി വെട്ടും നേരത്തു നെഞ്ച്
മിടിക്കുന്ന പിച്ചിയും മുല്ലയും
പോലെയല്ലായിവൾ, ഇടി വെട്ടി
മഴ പെയ്യേ ഇതളുകൾ വിരിയിച്ചു
മഴയൊന്ന് നനയുവാൻ ദിവസങ്ങ-
ളെണ്ണി കഴിച്ചവൾ, ദീർഘമല്ലെങ്കി-
ലും ജീവിതം മടിയാതെ, നിനയാതെ
നീട്ടി നിവർത്തി തോട്ടത്തിൻ മൂല-
യ്ക്കു പുതുനിറം നേർന്നവൾ .
ചുടുചുടാ നിറമുള്ള കവിളുകൾ
കൊണ്ടവൾ പാടിപ്പറഞ്ഞു
ഇടിമുഴക്കം പായിക്കും മിന്നലല്ല
പ്രേമം, നേരോടെ വീറോടെ വിരി-
യാൻ തുടങ്ങുന്നയിതളിന്റെ
നിഴലാണ്, നിറമാണ്, നന്മയാണ്.

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